Boobs are magic. You see it from the first moment you watch your child be calmed by breastfeeding. Your partner puts your baby to her breast, and there is peace again in the world. As a non-nursing parent, it can be intimidating to think about comforting your child without the magic of breastfeeding, but it is totally possible. A wonderful, connected relationship can exist between you and your child, but it does take intentional work. Don’t be intimated by your baby. She is your baby and is designed to love and connect with you just as much as with the parent who gave birth to her.
As soon as your baby is born, you can have skin to skin contact to bond with your baby. You can wear your baby in a wrap to keep her nice and close, even hours after birth. When your partner is not breastfeeding, offer to hold your baby. Let your partner know that you want to get to know your daughter/son better and are looking forward to bonding with him/her. Don’t only offer to hold your baby while your partner uses the bathroom or showers, anytime is the perfect time to bond with your baby. You are a member of a team now. This parent-parent-baby teams works best when all members exist in harmony. I strongly advise that you not be jealous of the time mom is spending nursing, but rather encourage her and be her biggest cheerleader and asset. Encourage her, bring her the baby at the first signs of hunger, and care for baby in any and every other way. Change diapers – all of them. When my daughter was born, Beth didn’t change a single diaper until I went back to work. While this might seem laborious, it is a great way to stay connect to your baby .
As your baby gets older, find ways to stay engaged. In our house, I do bedtime every night. This is quality time with my daughter that includes baths, massage, stories, and snuggles. Learn the secrets to calming a baby. I highly recommend The Happiest Baby On the Block. Dr. Karps 5 Ss: Swaddling, Side/stomach position, Swinging, Shushing, and Sucking. These tools are great at calming your baby and will help you feel confident in your ability. However, no amount of “magic” baby tools can beat breastfeeding, so don’t be afraid to give baby back to mom for a quick feed when you are out of tricks. You are partners, after all.
You can do this; you are an awesome parent. Whether you are on day one or one thousand, you are building a deep relationship with your child that cannot be replicated. You got this!
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